Jay's Therapy Session Today

Ah! I am so happy and so proud to say that all of Jay's hard work has been paying off! Olga (his therapist) says that although he has low muscle tone that she is so impressed on his progress. Jay has more head control and is acknowledging his hands and his feet; as well, he began to blow bubbles (well pretty much spit). Olga says that he's been doing so much better than some older kids she's been working but another therapy she knows he will need is speech therapy do to people with T21 having longer tounges than others. I am such a proud mama to see him doing so well and I am so happy to see him making so much progress. What an amazing feeling and what a blessing/honor to be able to see do so great. Forever blessed.

A Little Bit of This A Little Bit of That

I've decided to go back to school in June, for physical therapy. Jay will be six months in the next two months and he'll be able to eat actual baby food so he won't fully rely on breast feeding anymore. I'm actually very excited but very nervous at the same time. I decided on Physical Therapy since Jay might need one some day- plus I want to be able to work wit children with other disabilities as well. I feel so proud and extremely excited to do so because I love going to school. I was previously going to school for Fashion Marketing and Management to become a runway coordinator but then financial aid messed it all up! I'm just looking forward to all the thing's that are to come in Jay and I's future. I do believe it will all begin to look up. Like I've said before, Jay has inspired me and motivated me to want and do so much out of life. I can't wait to begin classes and I can't wait for bigger and better thing's. I am ever so blessed and grateful to God for all he has given me and blessed us with.

A Perfect Jewel

There is nothing in this world that I wouldn't do for my baby boy. Having him is a life long blessing- not only am I learning so much of him but I'm discovering so much of myself. Many people think that having a child with T21 is such a horrible thing and they always apologize but its not! The thing that's wrong with this world is ignorance. GOD doesn't make mistakes, my child is perfect. If my child is perfect in the eyes of the Lord, then Jay is more than perfect for me.

From The Moment We First Met

I cannot express enough… The love i have for this amazing soul of mine. It is so crazy watching him grow and come so far. The time really does fly. Being pregnant and feeling this life inside of you move around and have a personality only you understood, giving birth to him and seeing him have to have so many test done. My emotions were crazy, my stress level sky rocketed, and the mama blues hit me. I can honestly say that having this boy has brought out a strength inside of me I never knew existed. He brought out the deepest kind of love I have ever felt in my life. I look at him now and I am just so incredibly thankful that he is healthy, strong, and so darn smart. He is perfect and he has come so far. I love you so much, Jewelien'J Ashtin Phadungchai. The day he was born was the most incredible day I had ever had in my entire existence. For him I would give the whole world. No gift could ever compare. Jay is my rock, my sanity, my happiness, my strength, my universe. Nothing can compare to the love in my soul for you. Forever making mama proud. I love you shuggie bear!

To Be Honest

Lately, I've been thinking a lot about me being a single mother. My how that gets to me at times. Its a hard thing, The only time I ever truly get to myself is when Jay is fully asleep for the night- which is usually at 9PM- 10PM and by that time I am so exhausted. I just think about how sweet it would be to just have that extra little help, you know? Oh how I think my sister's are all so blessed to be able to have a partner to offer a helping hand to them. I mean don't get me wrong, I love being able to give everything I can to Jay and to be the one to hold the fort down. I love knowing that I could do it on my own BUT I am only human and sometimes I can't help but to long for that partnership. Lately, I've been having a lot of gentlemen callers asking to go on a date but I can't bring myself to even be remotely interested in wanting to go out. Maybe because as a mother you begin to think more in depth when it comes to other people and their intentions and at times I feel like these "men" (using the term VERY loosely) don't understand that my son is a part of the package. There is times where my mind wanders off into Jay's father and how thing's could've or maybe even should've been. Would I have been as happy as I feel on my own? Would he even be helping me out? Would thing's be better or worse? Then, it hits me.. No one will make me happier than what I make myself. I do miss being able to do some of the thing's I use to but trust me when I say I wouldn't trade the life I have NOW to the life I had THEN. Now I know what unconditional love truly is, I've never been closer to GOD, and I have so many aspirations for Jay and I's future. I have so much more drive and I'm so thankful to not be the person I use to be. I'm so thankful because my son became my purpose to live, my son became the reason I was able to walk out of a bad relationship. My son saved me, he saved my life, he saved my sanity- my son made me want more out of life and for that oh goodness I am forever thankful. My son made me put a value on myself, my relationships, he made me mature, he made me better, and he made me want better but I have to thank GOD for it all because without him, I wouldn't have such a perfect little soul. Thank you Lord! And thank you all for taking the time to read this LONG post. xoxo

Milestones

Yay! Hello fellow bloggers! I am so happy to say my little SONshine is hitting his milestones. Aaah! I am thee happiest woman ever. What milestones has he been hitting you may all wonder (or not, haha!)! Well he's been very alert, he coo's so much, puts his hands into his mouth, smiles, and he sort of grasps onto his toys. Yesterday was a big day for my little chubby bunny- he began to hold his head up for a minute or so (thank you tummy time!) and I am pleased to say he began to acknowledge his feet! I'm so excited, I can't wait to let his therapist know! My chubby bunny is such a bright little boy. I am so proud, so blessed, and so honored to be called his mama.

Doctors Appointment

This in an update to Jay's bowel movement (I know TMI). So, today I took Jay to the pediatrician since he hasn't been having normal bowel movement- Dr. Toomari told me to give him two ounces of water three times a day (I usually just give him one ounce a day), everyday. As well, the pediatrician also said to give him prune juice (two ounces). Yesterday was such a sad day because Jay couldn't poop and when he tried pushing he kept crying and screaming. Ah! It is such a horrible feeling to see my little soul so helpless, I helped Jay push and his stool was so hard. The doctor said it isn't anything to be too alarmed about but if he doesn't have regular bowel movement in the next two days then he is going to prescribe some stool softener's. Dr. Toomari also said the hard stuff has to come out first before the soft stool comes. It is so heartbreaking to see my little soul have to struggle so much, I just pray to the Lord that he begins to regulate with his bowel movements. My poor little Jewels. 

Progress

So lately, Jay has been talking so much more which makes me the happiest mama alive! Now today was a great day because after we came back from the zoo and lunch he began playing with his feet, which is HUGE! I am so happy and proud because I've been waiting for him to do so- not only that but my sweet little boy has been holding his bottle, as well as, he's been holding his head up! Ah! I honestly didn't know how proud I would feel with him doing so. Jay is such a bright little soul and I'm so happy to see some progress going on with him. Although, his bowel movements have yet to be normal (which we have a doctors appointment for on Monday) I'm still very hopeful that the formula change will help, as well as, him drinking an ounce of water. You don't even know how excited I get when I just THINK he's having a bowel movement. Other than that, Jay has been making so much progress with hitting his milestones. I'm so proud and forever blessed.

Jay's First Time at the Zoo and at Pink Taco

Today was the first day I took Jay to the zoo! I was so excited because well, hello, it was his first time! I bought him a cute little alligator hat and guess what for the three hours we were there.. he was asleep! Yes ladies and gentlemen my handsome was not awake at all, snoozed through out all the animals but we did get up close and personal with a peacock. We saw a giraffe poo, a gorilla eating his poop or vomit (pretty gross since it was dripping), we had a chimpanzee drum for us on the poleax glass, and had the zebras up close and personal. Now normally I don't like the Los Angeles zoo since the animals are ALWAYS asleep but this time it was actually really pleasant. Well after we went to have some Pink Taco and it was pretty good, BUT, it is more of a bar than a restaurant so the food wasn't all that special but it is a cool place to go to for a girls night and such. Over all it was an amazing first for Jay even though he was only awake for Pink Taco! Haha!

This Is So Beautiful!

Biggest Pet-Peeve

My biggest bet peeve is when people find out Jay has T21 and they say, "I'm so sorry". Er, sorry about what exactly? My baby is a blessing and such an amazing little soul with an uplifting spirit. There is nothing to be sad about or sorry about- T21 is a courageous disability. Jay is the most amazing thing to ever happen to me. I don't need pity from people because my son is no different from anyone else. Jay smiles, he laughs, he cries, he's observant, etc.. So he's got an extra chromosome- that means nothing. When he gets older he will have goals he will have achievements, he'll be good at something's and bad at other thing's. People with T21 are no different from anyone else, they will do as you do but at a different pace. They are a blessing and they're such amazing people.

Jewlien'J

My poor baby has been constipated these past few days. Jay began to only poop every two days (which is so sad and really bad) he hasn't pooped since last Sunday and just yesterday marked four days without going and when he finally went I had to help him push and I could tell it hurt because he almost cried. Ah! That broke my heart. Since he has T21 and people with T21 have much smaller intestines, if he gets backed up too much he can possibly rupture his rectume and that would lead to having to have surgery. I called his doctor and gladly enough we got an appointment for next week and I hope the doctor recommends something. I stopped breastfeeding (which I hate) because I thought that's what was constipating him. I went from breastfeeding to breastfeeding with some formula feeding to some breastfeeding and mostly formula feeding to just formula feeding. I've just changed his formula and I boiled some prunes and gave him some which gladly kick started his bowel movement for yesterday. I just hate to see my little handsome in such discomfort. Imagine going three days without pooping and how uncomfortable that would be and now imagine a little three month old feeling that. Ugh! That's horrible.

Ignorance Is NEVER Bliss

As many of you may know there is A LOT of ignorance when it comes to disabilities! It breaks my heart to see people on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, etc. making fun of people with a disability. That is not okay and instead of picking fun at people whom already have a hard time doing simple day to day thing's, maybe they should go and try to educate themselves a little more instead of being a-holes! I can't stress enough about the "R" word! Yes, I am taking about re**rd. That is highly offensive and I believe its ignorant when people use it and when you correct them, they say- "I'm not referring it to you" or "I didn't mean it in that way". Wether or not someone meant it towards anyone in an ill manner it's still never okay. I have told my family about that word as well because I don't want Jay growing up thinking that word is okay- for example, how would you feel if someone called your disabled family member that for no reason? Wouldn't you get mad? I would. BUT if you use it on a daily your making it okay for other people to use it as well. Why is it okay for you to say it but not anyone else? Its like saying, "oh that's gay" or "your such a fag(got)" that's offensive to people. You sound very uneducated when you say that; its offensive, open up a dictionary and I strongly believe more people should be an advocate to try to get these words out of their vocabulary. There are plenty more alternative words to replace those. So no, ignorance is not bliss, you sound stupid.

Forever Blessed

Through every fear and every doubt, I thank God for my sweet baby boy. Jewelien'J is the most amazing thing to EVER happen to me. I truly am forever blessed to have such a sweet little soul as a part of my life. I know that through God, I am never alone. Jay is so peaceful, so handsome, and so smart. There is no other love, like the love of a child. I feel lucky to have a baby with T21 because he's teaching me patience, unconditional love, and he is truly showing me a lot about strength. He's a motivation to me and for him to be so small and deal with a lot and still manage to smile its showing me that I truly have nothing to complain about- it really is the small thing's in life that are the sweetest. My pride, my joy, my heart beat outside my body, my day, my night, my everything. I never knew how the small thing's such as him being able to hold his head up or grabbing a rattle was going to be such a HUGE deal to me; I don't think a lot of us a parents realize how much we take for granted the littlest thing's our children do, we don't indulge enough in our child's most smallest joy's. You never know how truly blessed you are because maybe something that your child does, somebody else's child might be struggling with. Children with disabilities are a real blessing because they make you appreciate the little thing's in life and make everything just a little more sweeter. I'm blessed to have my baby boy and I'm blessed to have my nieces and nephews. Maybe Jay wasn't only a blessing to me but a blessing to my family. Thank you Lord! I am forever indebted and I am forever blessed.

Just A Bit of Fear

It's so crazy to think Jay is going to be four months in June- my how time flies! I feel like I've come such a long way compared to when I began, but there is still challenges. However, I always question myself if I'm doing everything that I'm suppose to be doing with him and if I'm providing him with enough. Everyday is a blessing to wake up to such a sweet little soul but its also a struggle with myself because I am my worst enemy. I always question if I'm doing his exercises right or if I should do them longer; I remember two weeks ago I felt completely over whelmed with everything! I felt like even though I've been reading up on what T21was and reaching out to other parets with children that have T21. Last week his therapist was giving me so much new information about how kids with down syndrome are more prone to infections and other diseases that I kept over thinking to myself about everything that could possibly go wrong. I think what scares me the most is how Jay will feel when he gets older, you know? Will he care if he has down syndrome? Will he not care? Will he struggle with it?All those type of questions but maybe I'm just looking too much into it, too much into the future. After all, we shouldn't worry about tomorrow for today has enough problems on its own.

In The Present

I've made peace with my past, I've began to seek GOD, and forgave wholeheartedly. Jay is an amazing soul! He is such a happy and peaceful baby- his therapy sessions have been going so amazing. So far he has such good muscle tone, he's began to laugh and smile, he talks (well coo's), and slowly has begun to grab onto his rattles. Jay is such a smart and alert little boy. To be his mother is not only an honor but the biggest blessing I have ever received in my life. The doctor says his heart murmur is very small so it'll end up closing on its own. He is such a strong soul. I'm ever so in love. Being a single mother, especially at a young age isn't easy because at time I do wish I had that extra help but I'm thankful my family and his dad's side of the family is so involved with helping out. There is times when I do feel overwhelmed because it does take a tole on you but no one ever said it would be easy, right?

Making Excuses

I debated for a while with myself what the hell went wrong! I thought maybe he didn't know how to handle having a baby or maybe he didn't know how to deal with Jay having down syndrome. He never talked about Jay having T21 he always said, "its okay" or "I'm not worried" but never anything else. Trust me, I've lost so much sleep trying to figure out how a "man" can say he loves his child more than anything in this world but yet, can walk out of his child's life and never call to check on him, never ask if he needs anything, never sees if he okay, nothing. I don't get that at all! How can he ever judge me as a mother and tell me how sorry he felt that my son had such a ret***ed mother like me. Yet, look who's there for the babies every cry, every smile, every laugh, changing every diaper, being the only one to console his every cry, being the only one to take him a bath, etc.. It was a stab to the heart because he was the person I thought I was going to marry someday. This person whom I thought I was in love with wasn't the same person I fell in love with in the beginning- I could feel myself starting to hate him.

At My Weakest

Trying to figure myself out and trying to figure out how I felt about Jay having D.S the first month was probably when I felt myself being at my weakest point ever! I found myself doing everything on my own even with his father around at that time; being so sleep deprived and not really feeling like I had anyone to talk to about it all was driving me nuts. The only reason I had such a hard time with Jay's down syndrome news was because I kept thinking so much into future- its hard to think about the person you would do anything for having to struggle in the future. Let's be honest there are ignorant people out there when it comes to people with disabilities and that right there is what I feared more than anything. I knew Jay was going to be no different than any other kid because I was and still am going to make sure he is treated just like everyone else. I felt so lost about what the next steps were going to be. Struggling with trying to keep my "little family" together and trying to make sure Jay was being tended too and provided for with no job and with me recently leaving school, it was the hardest thing to have to depend on other people when I was so self-sufficient since I was 17. I went from living on my own, having two jobs, and going to school to moving back in with my mom, being 19 and pregnant, having to leave school, and losing both jobs- I felt like my life was in shambles. I could say I had the mommy blues but I was so good at hiding it that I had everyone fooled to thinking I was alright. Little did I know thing's would soon be looking up, I would soon be a single mother, and would be so in love with such a sweet little soul (not that I already wasn't).

In The Beginning

I was eighteen going on nineteen when I found out I was pregnant. No matter how young or how old, every child is a blessing from God. Anyways, six to seven months into the pregnancy my doctor did some routine blood work, which came back with a .0000001% chance of my son having down syndrome. When I went into labor the nurses did some test to make sure the baby was healthy and ready to greet the world; come to find out while I was 39 weeks pregnant when I was going into labor Jay stopped growing at 35 weeks. After 25 hours of a semi-complicated birth, my beautiful baby boy was born February 5, 2013 at 5lb 12oz. During my stay at the hospital, Jay dropped 6oz and we all became a bit concerned but thank God he ended up being perfectly fine to go home. I had a doctor's appointment three days later and come to find out Jay's blood work came back positive for T21. At that point I kind of expected it because when he was born he had features of down syndrome and I had already mentally prepared myself since the moment they suspected him to have some type of disability. Still,  when you actually hear the news you just feel so many different types of emotions and don't really know what to expect from that moment on. I pondered so many questions and had that "well what now" moment. When I told my family I didn't really want to tell everyone because I didn't want pity from them or have them feel like they have to walk on egg shells because of this. I contacted the regional center right after and was given a therapist for Jay (which she is amazing by the way), to make sure he was hitting milestones, to see if Jay was going to need other types of therapist (physical therapist, speech therapist, etc.), and to inform me more about what T21 is. Since then, I've been doing my own little research about T21, I've been talking to other families with down syndrome children, and I'm happy to say his progress (which I will talk about in other blog posts) has been just wonderful. I am one proud mama of one sweet little soul and I am blessed to say that I finally know what love really is with him!

"DOWN SYNDROME IS A CONDITION YOUR BABY HAS, IT IS NOT WHO YOUR BABY IS" -CTW

The First Post Is Always The Oddest

Mama to such a sweet little soul named Jewelien'J; Jay, was born with trisomie21 and for those whom may not know what that is, its down syndrome. I wanted to start this blog as a way to share my story or my "journey", with my sweet little boy. As a single and first time mother its a struggle- I'm sure there are women going through something similar as myself. I hope to give you some type of insight on what it is to have a child with a courageous disability. Well, this is my first time blogging and this is me- this is my story. So feel free to take a seat, have a cup of tea, and let's begin.