Trying to figure myself out and trying to figure out how I felt about Jay having D.S the first month was probably when I felt myself being at my weakest point ever! I found myself doing everything on my own even with his father around at that time; being so sleep deprived and not really feeling like I had anyone to talk to about it all was driving me nuts. The only reason I had such a hard time with Jay's down syndrome news was because I kept thinking so much into future- its hard to think about the person you would do anything for having to struggle in the future. Let's be honest there are ignorant people out there when it comes to people with disabilities and that right there is what I feared more than anything. I knew Jay was going to be no different than any other kid because I was and still am going to make sure he is treated just like everyone else. I felt so lost about what the next steps were going to be. Struggling with trying to keep my "little family" together and trying to make sure Jay was being tended too and provided for with no job and with me recently leaving school, it was the hardest thing to have to depend on other people when I was so self-sufficient since I was 17. I went from living on my own, having two jobs, and going to school to moving back in with my mom, being 19 and pregnant, having to leave school, and losing both jobs- I felt like my life was in shambles. I could say I had the mommy blues but I was so good at hiding it that I had everyone fooled to thinking I was alright. Little did I know thing's would soon be looking up, I would soon be a single mother, and would be so in love with such a sweet little soul (not that I already wasn't).
No comments:
Post a Comment